Twenty-five Years Later....

Well, life is chugging along for me. What else can I say, really? I'm still subbing, and I have ups and downs with that. Some days I leave school on top of the world because the experience was so awesome. Then there are other days when all I can think is, "I really f*cked that up,"...Smh. I suppose that's life.

Anywhore, one day during bus duty, one of the teachers (and my high school classmate) asked me if I was going to the 25th reunion. In my head, I'm all like, "Wayyyyyment. There's a class reunion afoot and I didn't know?!"

Let me give you a little backstory--which will actually be a lot of backstory because I'm wordy: I LIVE for a class reunion. Why? Because even though

*I never became the supermodel I'd always dreamed of being

*I don't have 1,000 pics of my husband and kids (who would be cute like they mama) on my phone

*I'll show up for this reunion just like I did the other two reunions AND both proms--DATELESS 

I have an ace in the hole: I'm still skinny! Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm being superficial, but I really don't care. I was a stick in high school and the butt of many jokes because of that. My default curves--thanks to middle age spread--will serve me well when the class of 1990 converges on the country club later this month. The attire is casual, and THIS is what I'm wearing (minus those death-defying shoes):

I follow this "fashion" page in facebook. Several outfits are posted each day, using designer pieces. We peasants are left to our own devices to find cheap versions in our cheap stores to somehow duplicate the looks. (Of course, if you can afford the designer stuff, I ain't mad at ya. Go head on, money grip!) My little NYC shopping spree in August enabled me to duplicate the above look. I bought jeans just like those and a gold sequined blazer like that (but with 3 quarter length sleeves). I'll replace the plain white tank top with a Marilyn Monroe tank that I also purchased in the Big Apple, but I think you see where I'm going with this: straight to Cutetown, baby!!!! 

The funny thing is, my shopping in NYC was random. Actually, that's how I always shop. I buy stuff--on clearance, if possible--that I like and set it aside because I know some sort of event will come up that I can wear this stuff to. Rarely do I have to go on a last-minute shopping spree for most church functions, sorority events, or a girls' night out because I usually have something banked up from one of my "clearance crawls".  You'll notice that I didn't mention dates among the times when I can dip into my cache of cute clothes. That wasn't an oversight, just my life. 

So there's that. I'll try to post some (faceless) class reunion pics--of my outfit--in a follow-up post after the big event. Oh, and before you write me off as a superficial bish with botched up priorities, I DO have friends from high school that I want to see. I've been spreading the word to them about the reunion, but you can't blame the underdog for wanting to at least look like a top dog, who's still skinny enough to be on top...of an emergency pyramid.

I Should Be Sleeping Right Now, BUT...

Welp, here I am posting again on a school night. I should have been in bed a half-hour ago, but my spirit is vexed right now to say the least. I found out from my oldest half-sister that our uncle had an aneurysm Saturday and is in the hospital unresponsive. Our auntie had knee surgery and is in a rehab facility. The thing is I'd been promising both of them I'd call/visit since the summer. Follow-through isn't one of my strong points though, and that fact is beginning to take increasingly large bites of  my arse. I mean, suppose my uncle diea not knowing how much I loved him???? All I can do is take these situations to Jesus, and if you know the words of prayer please send up a few for my fam.

On top of THAT, I am really feeling the burn from being single right now. I've always been the victim of unrequited real life crushes, and even worse, celebrity crushes. It's the celebrity crush that's working on me right now. I have had too many famous "husbands in my head", lost so much time Google imaging them...Thoughts of this guy make me feel good, and our sex (in my head) is AWESOME.  Smh. When DOES one outgrow this? Oh, I know. WHEN THE LORD SEES FIT TO SEND A WORTHY PARTNER INTO ONE'S LIFE. Guess who's still waiting? THIS CHICK.

As I mentioned in my last post, blogging is contagious. I just saw a post from a blogger I follow--her posts are even fewer and further between than MINE. After reading it, I just had to come over here and cyber-scribble.  Of course with all that's going on and not going on, I'm at the keyboard like,

So all that you read above is why I'm still up, and a 5th grade class that I am expected to greet at 7:45am today is why I'm about to lay it down, almost an hour later than I'd planned.

Eh...Quick Post

*This post was actually written during the early morning hours of October 7. I'd popped a ZzzQuil though, so I zonked out before I could hit "publish".* 

I haven't written in over a month, but it seems like my last post was just yesterday. Eh, anyho...I do remember griping about not being ready to return to school as a substitute teacher. WELL, I did it. I've been subbing steadily since the beginning of September. Some days are still a struggle, not because I don't want to go to school. It's just because I've been without a routine for so long. Lounging is freakin' fun, ok?! I don't get a paycheck for doing that though.

Oh, and in other developments, I've decided that if I can't be a New York-based supermodel, I'll be a teacher. I'd like to teach either elementary school and maybe be a reading specialist or teach 8th grade English. (I've subbed at the middle school a few times and it's not as bad as I thought it would be. High school still gets a no from me. I mean, just hell no.) I'm hoping to take the teacher licensing exam next month so I can get a provisional licence (and subsequently a full-time teaching job) until I get in all the course work needed to be a "real teacher". It's an involved process, and I really haven't even begun. I feel confident enough to say now that I really do want to teach. This isn't just something that I'm saying because it's what people want to hear. Now I just need to get the proverbial ball rolling.

Funny thing. One of my cousins that I grew up with is a "real teacher", and she's working her way up to administration. When we were kids, she was the golden child. She was an achiever, and everyone just knew "Tiffany"--the alias she gets in this blog--would be a success in life. I always looked up to her and did everything she did, or tried to. Even now, I do sometimes go to her for advice...about professional stuff anyway. Since I've been on a termination marathon lately, she's been sending me job leads. After the double dose of hell that I went through with the Retail Toilet and the Retailtopia I KNOW that I canNOT do retail again. I'd be a fool if I did. I know it's not for me, and the good Lord--moving in that mysterious way of His--rescued me twice. And he sends little signs when I'm in a store and I fall into a mini-trance watching the employees doing retail...stuff. It makes me want to crawl out of my own skin. I'm scarred, man. So WHY Tiffany send me a job opening for a managerial position at PayLess Shoes?! GIRL, BYE. (She's still my go to for teaching advice though.)

So there. In my own rambling way, I've played catch up. I don't normally write on a "school night", probably why I didn't post last month. I've found that writing is contagious though. In this Facebook group I'm in, this guy asked us to follow his girlfriend's blog. I scoped it out; it's actually right here on Blogger. I'll have to peruse it further when I have more time. The first post I saw was about natural hair care products though. I don't give a guinea about natural hair care talk. I have my reasons. But just looking at her blog with the cutesy background and equally cutesy font made me miss the little homely, nearsighted, flat-footed child that is The Shellybird's Nest. I just had to swing by and love on it a little bit. Now that I've done that, I guess I need to lay these lanky 5'10" inches down for some shut eye. It's after 1am and I have to sub today.

CRASH!!!

Welp, I went to NYC last week, and I'm back. Honestly, spending 5 days in the Big Apple--16 hours of which were on the train coming and going--is like going to Disney World and being kicked out after 30 minutes. There was so much I didn't get to see and do. I was on my ear to go to a rooftop bar, but that didn't happen. Didn't see Harlem either, but I'm still grateful that I was able to go because Lord only knows when I'll return. Unfortunately, I didn't make a triumphant return to the dirty south with a modeling contract, a high-paying radio gig, or even the phone number of Mr. Right. Bright side? The shopping in New York City is RIGHTEOUS, and by RIGHTEOUS I mean CHEAP, if you know where to go. Luckily, my sorority sister who squired me about town did know where to go, and her fashion sense is astounding. I came back with suitcase full of new clothes. Sure, I'm still an underpaid dj, substitute teacher, and chick who got fired from 2 retail jobs in less than a year, but I'll be dang cute in all the roles I play.

When I stepped off that train at the end of my trip, I was so happy and motivated. People say New York City is dirty, but I was living cleaner than I had in ages. I was down to 1 cigarette a day, I was drinking water instead of sodas, I didn't watch tv and I didn't miss any of it. But just like the energy boost you get from a caffeine pill when you're sleepy, a crash follows. And honey, I've crashed. Hard. I'm back to chain smoking and swilling sodas, smh...I'm still trying to figure out the catalyst.

The Friday before I left for my trip, I found out that a little girl that goes to my church passed away suddenly; she was only 11. Everyone who knew her was thrown for a loop. There's isn't a day that has passed that I haven't thought about her. Her funeral was Saturday, the day after I got home, so maybe my sadness slowed me down a little. I cried for pretty much the entire service. Looking at the obituary and seeing all of the pictures charting her (way too short) life, just did me in. I witnessed her growing up. She was supposed to start middle school in another week, but the Lord had different ideas. I'm not going to go into it any further. If I write any more about her, it will be in a post devoted to her. She was just that spectacular.

I think another contributing factor to my crash was car trouble. Well, in this instance, it was a bald tire. I've had enough flats in my time as a motorist--I'm a wiz at driving over nails and glass--so as a result, I have tire paranoia. I do random walk-arounds inspecting my tires and the morning after I got home discovered "old baldy". The Lord truly is in the blessing business because I called the shop and they told me to bring it in Monday so they could squeeze me in since I didn't have an appointment. I expected an hours-long wait. I was fully prepared to ask for a ride downtown where I was going to walk around and have lunch at a side walk cafe--that's the NYC that's still in me. I was in and out of the shop in 30 minutes though. The owner of the shop is a good Christian man who looks like Santa Claus. The irony isn't lost on me, honey.

Even though the tire situation is solved for now (I still have 3 others to think of after all), my car is really, literally ALL TO PIECES. It's a 2005 Chevrolet. Before I even finished paying on it, I noticed a slight fissure in the dash right at  the windshield. Fast forward to NOW, and I have the mess you see before you: a pie wedge-shaped piece of plastic on the dash held in place by Jesus, and the area around the radio gone all to crap, chunks of plastic dropping left and right. The vents are PERCHED there. As soon as my car is in motion, they fall out. My last car was a Ford Escort. It died on me and sat in my yard for 2 or 3 years before someone bought it. When I went to clean it out after I found a buyer, everything was in 1 piece. No cracks or any foolishness like that. I've encountered other people with the make and model of car I have now that had dashboard issues. Oh, and the gages are effed up too, and I've met other Chevy owners with that problem. SIDE. EYE. I won't have another Chevrolet unless someone gives it to me, and yes, that's a big-arsed hint to anyone with pull at Chevrolet who has any shame and happens to stumble upon this post. Otherwise it's Ford all the way. (Another big-arsed hint.)

 

So, I say all of that to say that I'm really back at square one. I'm praying my phone won't ring and I see SubFinder the caller id, clenching my butt cheeks as I check for available jobs. I won't say I don't want to go to school; I'm just not ready. Not ready at all. I wish I was still in New York.

*I'll post more about my trip later. It may be a series of posts. 

Oops, I Did It Again...

Lord, only me...I guess first and foremost I need to stop acting like I wasn't sitting on this little tidbit of Shellybird news for about 2 months, so here it is. I got fired from the Retailtopia back in June.

AGAIN.

Long story short, I got into a verbal altercation with my assistant manager because I asked for my break, Her response? "Why do you think you deserve a break?"  

Um, WHAT???

                                          

 We had words back and forth on the sales floor (a retail no-no) and a customer reported us. We were suspended and subsequently fired. Actually my assistant manager self-terminated. We had to go in and write statements the day after the incident and explain ourselves, and as bad as the situation seemed at the time, I think our jobs could have been spared. I came in full of explanations and apologies. My assistant manager came in with an attitude. Hood boogers, I tell ya...That of course made the store manager angriER. She fired the assistant manager on the spot, and told me that she would call me and let me know the district manager's decision. I found out by word of mouth about 5 days later that I was fired. I called to confirm, and the rest as they say is history. Eh, it is what it is. That store was ratchet anyway, and rife with unprofessionalism (which I admit I contributed to on the day in question.) You can call it sour grapes if you want, but I didn't belong there and folks were trying me. Newsflash: I am not the one. Overall, I don't like to be bothered, but I will can only be as nice to people as they are to me.

As far as I'm concerned, retail is behind me. I was a little down at first because in the space of time it takes to conceive, gestate, and birth a baby, the most remarkable thing that I managed to do was get fired. Again. When I told my sorority sister about the altercation and suspension at work, she said, "Girrlllll, if it was me and they decided to fire me, I'd be on the first bus or plane to NYC as soon as they cut me loose." She knows I am in a New York state of mind and have been for a good hot minute. However, unlike her and all of my other go-getter friends, I second guess myself out of everything I want in life. My soror also has  tremendous faith in God and believes He allows certain things to happen to get you to where you need to be. She told me that He's removed me from retail twice for a reason, and I suppose He has. But, now what? Well, the same sorority sister (who's given me so much good advice that I've second-guessed myself out of taking) invited me to spend next week in Brooklyn with her and her family. She's been trying to get me up there for a while. She even tried to get me to take the apartment her parents had for rent--mercifully low rent by NYC standards--and I didn't take it, so someone else did. Well I'm going to visit and feel the city again. My train ticket has already been purchased and I printed it out yesterday. I've even dared, with my 43-year-old self, to see which model agencies are having open calls while I'm there. I've found one so far, and I'm going to give them a call in the morning to make sure they'll look at a more "mature" woman. On my first NYC trip, my bestie accompanied me to Wilhelmina Models. They have an older women's division, so I foolishly thought we'd be just as welcome at the open calls as the 7', 100 pound 14-year-olds. Nah. For all of the, "Wow, you don't look your age," remarks that I've heard in my adulthood, I must have looked every split second of the 33 years that I had under my belt in 2005, because my friend and I didn't even make it through Wilhelmina's lobby.

I don't know what's going to happen when I go to New York next week, maybe nothing, maybe everything, but I'm praying for something good great. I know I just said that retail is behind me, but the reality is although I hate it, I'm good at it. It's all I know how to do with confidence. I almost feel like that poor old fella from The Shawshank Redemption when he was released from prison but prison life was all he knew and he couldn't make it on the outside. Well, Brooks Hatlen also committeed suicide. I'm not suicidal, but the lack of self-assurance is something I understand very well.

Shellybird...on the inside

I wish that achieving your dreams was as easy as it used to be back in the day...or as easy as the movies made it seem. People with dreams of stardom or just a different (read: better) life would travel to NYC or Hollywood with $200, a greasy bag of mama's chicken wings, and a dream and somehow come out on top or at least manage to stay in the city of their dreams even if success eluded them. I was watching the Steve Harvey show the other day, and Empire's Taraji P. Henson was on there talking about how she went to LA with $700 and her baby. Look at her now. I feel like if I go to New York with even a million dollars, somehow I'm still going to wind up like this:

Y'all got any more of that success???

I'm praying for something much better though.

Innaweb Findings...

I was puttering around the internet the other night and stumbled upon an awesome blog about bridal (and prom) ideas. At this point in my life, being married has once again become this fanciful, far-off idea, much like it was when I was a little girl. The difference is, back then it was a someday thing. Now it's an "Is it ever going to happen?!" thing. I'm collecting bridesmaid dresses like a boss though; I've got four so far: red, gold, lavender, and violet. And I used to model bridal wear locally...for free...But it was a  priceless experience because it's the closest I ever came to that other fanciful, far-off idea I had: the one of being a model. A girl (or middle-aged woman) can dream, and believe me, I still do. However, for anyone reading this who's been lucky enough to have someone like it and put an engagement ring on it, the blog I linked may be a nice point of reference for you. See? I'm not bitter at all. I'm trying to help.

Couldn't you just die?!

I can just hear the soft rustle of the fabric.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

*None of these pics are my property; I found them on the blog. Of you click the pictures you will see a link to the deer pearl flowers blog. Credit where credit is due. 

Shellybird's Birthday Prayer

Today's my birthday. Thank-you Lord for letting me see another year of life. I'm the big 4-3 today...Overall I'm ok with that because every moment of life is a blessing. And much like Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Aniston, and Naomi Campbell, I am wearing my 40's well.

 Please JESUS let me maintain this uncracked Black...

And while you're at it Lord, a husband and some babies (in that order) would be nice, before it's super duper too late. I don't cry easily anymore, but I was perusing the Facebook and I ran across this pic post about pregnancy cravings and I almost lost it. Please help me with that and my move to NYC. You're front and center for everything that goes on in the world, so I'm sure you've seen what a shambles my life has been during the past 11 months.  Please help me to fix it. Thanks in advance, and thanks again for #43. Amen.