Pardon me while I try to figure out why in the entire HELL I am still single. I am 44. I clean up well. What gives???? I thought I was going to be ok with books and cats. Now I'm not so sure because bitterness has settled on me like ash after a nuclear blast. Seeing the happy family lives of my friends played out moment by moment on social media is only adding insult to injury. Sometimes I'll wait all day before I "like" a photo. I'm not proud of that fact, but I own it. Honestly, as I get sucked deeper into the yawning abyss of singlehood, I find myself forgetting the "hows" of dating and being a girlfriend. Like most little girls, I had the expectation of a lavish wedding with an equally lavish gown that made me look like a princess. Now that isn't even a definite maybe anymore. It's like something that might have been.
Earlier today, I was pondering this and I thought of the encounter I had with my ex-boyfriend during the holidays. Nothing major (to y'all). He came through my line at HN&S. I think he was surprised to see me. I was unpleasantly surprised to see him because I didn't want him to see me working another dead-end retail job, with my left ring finger still naked as a jaybird. At least my hair was cute and my lipstick was popping though. Ladies, if you don't take any other advice from me ever--and that's perfectly understandable because I'm kinda flaky--heed this: Don't get caught slipping with your appearance. Exes are like the police, liable to roll up on ya anytime. Anyhoo, I digress. Today I was thinking about the fact that he's on his second marriage and how he and I dated for years between those marriages--collectively, we were together 17 years, I think. For a few years during our second go-round, every Christmas my family and I anticipated an engagement ring from him, and "the engagement ring" came in the form of a digitial camera, various necklace/earing jewelry sets, a Chevrolet pickup that he said was "for us" although I never drove it nor had the inclination to...It was a nice truck though, high off the ground. Anyways, I was outside having a cigarette during this pity party and as I walked up the steps to my house, I thought, "Why wasn't I good enough for him?" The old Shellybird would have cried at this thought, but I keep her chained to the pipes in the basement of my mind. New and slightly improved Shellybird only cries at funerals and during poignant vids that she sees on Facebook and Youtube--the soldiers' surprise returns are favorites--so there's that.
I haven't been on a date in over 2 years unless you count THIS mess. Don't get me wrong. My dance card would be full if I didn't have standards. These dudes need to get their shyte straight though. I have my qualifications, and I don't think I'm asking too much: No kids, no weed smoking, no police record (speeding tickets ok), no ho-like tendencies, no dummies, and no disrespect. Now what's wrong with that? People tell me I'm bougie, but honestly, I thought bougie black people also had money because that cancels me out from the jump. I just don't want to be saddled with mess, and I'm well within my rights to feel that way. Any woman who truly knows her worth should feel that way. And THAT, lil chirrens, is why I am still single. You wouldn't believe some of the bs I have to hear and put up with from various dudes at HN&S, and co-worker Reggie's stupid ass is still being propped up by various hype men and women who obviously can't see him for what he is like I can. I had to go to management on that azz last week because he doesnt know how to talk to anyone.
Smart mouth mutha....I've made the decision not to speak to him unless it's pertaining to work because you don't get to loud talk me or condescend to me, and I've given him more than one opportunity to reign it in. I am so glad I didn't take him up on his dinner offer because he is not worthy of me. Ladies, more unsolicited but sage advice from a flake: Know your worth. I have half a mind to take a quick trip to his ex-wife's facebook inbox (she's my high school classmate and on my friend list) and ask her what his deal is. Like, why did they split up? I'm no psychiatrist, but I was in an emotionally abusive/controlling relationship once, and Reggie is exhibiting some tendencies that just put my stomach in knots. Like I said, I only have half a mind to compare notes with her because she's engaged--I do believe this will be her 3rd marriage *side-eye*--so far be it from me to be a bag of wet brownies. She's moved on. But if I ever run into her at Wal-Mart again (inevitable) and SHE should bring him up first, it's off to the races.
Well, I've let that hobo live rent-free on this post long enough because, you know, I encounter some quality prospects as well...Until I look at the magic finger and see a wedding band. As of late, it's those annoying black wedding bands. When did THAT become a thing??? If I ever were to get married, I would hope the hubster wouldn't want one of those. I prefer white gold or platinum. That aside, why are the a**holes single and the sweet, well-mannered, handsome thoughtful ones that look like they read books taken? It's like the relationship axiom from hell.
Earlier today, I was pondering this and I thought of the encounter I had with my ex-boyfriend during the holidays. Nothing major (to y'all). He came through my line at HN&S. I think he was surprised to see me. I was unpleasantly surprised to see him because I didn't want him to see me working another dead-end retail job, with my left ring finger still naked as a jaybird. At least my hair was cute and my lipstick was popping though. Ladies, if you don't take any other advice from me ever--and that's perfectly understandable because I'm kinda flaky--heed this: Don't get caught slipping with your appearance. Exes are like the police, liable to roll up on ya anytime. Anyhoo, I digress. Today I was thinking about the fact that he's on his second marriage and how he and I dated for years between those marriages--collectively, we were together 17 years, I think. For a few years during our second go-round, every Christmas my family and I anticipated an engagement ring from him, and "the engagement ring" came in the form of a digitial camera, various necklace/earing jewelry sets, a Chevrolet pickup that he said was "for us" although I never drove it nor had the inclination to...It was a nice truck though, high off the ground. Anyways, I was outside having a cigarette during this pity party and as I walked up the steps to my house, I thought, "Why wasn't I good enough for him?" The old Shellybird would have cried at this thought, but I keep her chained to the pipes in the basement of my mind. New and slightly improved Shellybird only cries at funerals and during poignant vids that she sees on Facebook and Youtube--the soldiers' surprise returns are favorites--so there's that.
I haven't been on a date in over 2 years unless you count THIS mess. Don't get me wrong. My dance card would be full if I didn't have standards. These dudes need to get their shyte straight though. I have my qualifications, and I don't think I'm asking too much: No kids, no weed smoking, no police record (speeding tickets ok), no ho-like tendencies, no dummies, and no disrespect. Now what's wrong with that? People tell me I'm bougie, but honestly, I thought bougie black people also had money because that cancels me out from the jump. I just don't want to be saddled with mess, and I'm well within my rights to feel that way. Any woman who truly knows her worth should feel that way. And THAT, lil chirrens, is why I am still single. You wouldn't believe some of the bs I have to hear and put up with from various dudes at HN&S, and co-worker Reggie's stupid ass is still being propped up by various hype men and women who obviously can't see him for what he is like I can. I had to go to management on that azz last week because he doesnt know how to talk to anyone.
Smart mouth mutha....I've made the decision not to speak to him unless it's pertaining to work because you don't get to loud talk me or condescend to me, and I've given him more than one opportunity to reign it in. I am so glad I didn't take him up on his dinner offer because he is not worthy of me. Ladies, more unsolicited but sage advice from a flake: Know your worth. I have half a mind to take a quick trip to his ex-wife's facebook inbox (she's my high school classmate and on my friend list) and ask her what his deal is. Like, why did they split up? I'm no psychiatrist, but I was in an emotionally abusive/controlling relationship once, and Reggie is exhibiting some tendencies that just put my stomach in knots. Like I said, I only have half a mind to compare notes with her because she's engaged--I do believe this will be her 3rd marriage *side-eye*--so far be it from me to be a bag of wet brownies. She's moved on. But if I ever run into her at Wal-Mart again (inevitable) and SHE should bring him up first, it's off to the races.
Well, I've let that hobo live rent-free on this post long enough because, you know, I encounter some quality prospects as well...Until I look at the magic finger and see a wedding band. As of late, it's those annoying black wedding bands. When did THAT become a thing??? If I ever were to get married, I would hope the hubster wouldn't want one of those. I prefer white gold or platinum. That aside, why are the a**holes single and the sweet, well-mannered, handsome thoughtful ones that look like they read books taken? It's like the relationship axiom from hell.
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