Shellybird (Kinda) Short Post:

Welp, I'm back, and as far as I know, ok. I got the CT scan of my liver and it came back normal, meaning nothing awful like cancer. My doc still wanted an ultrasound though just to be sure-sure. Apparently even in my advanced, middle-aged, need-to-be-shopping-for-cats years, I'm awful young to have a spot on my liver. I had that done Friday and I guess I'll hear something by Tuesday. I said in a previous post that God is still in the blessing business, and I know he hasn't taken his shingle in since then. So I'll just be over here waiting on my next blessing...and trying to quit smoking.

On a slightly lighter note, the doctor who did the CT scan of my liver looked--from what I could see of his face around the mask--and sounded like Ben Stein. He was a very sweet guy who walked slowly with a slight hump in his back. I'm a sucker for male doctors who have a kind and gentle manner and this one did *daddy issues*. As I was laying on the table waiting for him to shoot the dye into my IV (to illuminate my liver in all its spotty glory), I was also rambling on asking questions. I stay looking out for #1. I asked how my liver could be jacked up since I only drink 3 times a year. His bespectacled eyes looked over the mask at me sadly and he said, "Even three times a year is too much." (I told you this was only a slightly lighter note.) But I did amuse him with my lack of knowledge about the location of my liver. My high school guidance counselor wouldn't allow me to take human anatomy because I was shooting for the 22-credit diploma for college-bound students and I sucked at math and science already. She said there was no need for me to bring my gpa down any lower. THAT'S why I thought the liver was in the back near the kidneys. That's why I call the swirly, cartilagey part of the ear the "crispy-crisp". Don't judge me.

I need to hit the hay because I have school tomorrow. I have a lot going on, and I've been stressed. The tax deadline is tomorrow and I need to find a preparer to file an extension for me for free after school. I really need to do better and eventually, I will. Until then, I'm going to try not to worry because...GOD.

Spring Breakin' and Praying For Time

While it makes our paychecks a wee bit shorter, we subs have a healthy appreciation for spring break. At least THIS sub does, and what a spring break it has been. (This could be a long one, so bear with.)

A few weeks ago--well, I guess it was early March--I started feeling this mysterious soreness on my right side at my rib cage. It was under the skin, not sore like when I take a bath the soap and hot water would light me up. Just sore to the touch. I could feel a lump and a welt under there too. I lost my daddy to a smoking-related cancer back in '07 and I smoke, so I'm all like, "Ohhhhhh shit, CANCER!" You'd think I would have quit smoking long ago, but not yet. *side eyes self*. My Obama care has kicked in though, so I made my way to the doctor. He felt the lump and sent me to a surgeon who also felt the "THING" and thought outpatient exploratory surgery was in order. (Does Obama Care even cover that?????) I requested that the surgery be scheduled for spring break so I wouldn't miss any school. Between the doctor's appointments and x-rays, I'd already missed enough. I ain't a salaried employee yet, honey.

Well, guess what? Weeks of worry and an Easter Sunday visit to the church altar later, it was time for the surgery. I'm prepped and wheeled up to the operating area (?). I don't know the technical term for it. My iv juice was making me feel all nice and relaxed when the doc strolls in and asks me about my spot. I couldn't find it. HE couldn't find it. It was gone, so Doc said there was no need for the procedure because he'd just be "digging around" and my name was stricken from his dance card for that day. You'll not tell me that my God ain't in the blessing business.

I will say I was slightly embarrassed because I hate to feel like I'm wasting anyone's time. Maybe I should have been checking on it all along, but in my mind I was already dead and buried. I apologized--a cornball move in retrospect--and the doc asked me why I was apologizing, that I should be glad I didn't have to have surgery but before he left me laid out there he apologized too. He also left me with a little nugget of information regarding my health: When they did the CT scan of my problem area, they found a spot on my liver. My LIVER. You know that organ that you CANNOT live without, unlike at least one kidney or lung, the tonsils, gall bladder, or appendix...MY LIVER. After he left, I just laid on the bed being pumped full of feel-good juice with my eyes misting. I had spent the days and weeks leading up to the "surgery that wasn't" imagining my funeral, playing George Michael's "Praying For Time" repeatedly, imagining how sad my mama would be without me, imagining the wedding, guilt-free intramarital sex, and pretty babies I would never have, imagining seeing my beautiful grandma again--if I got into Heaven...I had also stocked up on post-surgical cuisine--soup and jello. I guess it's just sitting in the cupboard waiting for me to actually have surgery...or the flu.

I hate canned soup, so I eat ramens.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out what went wrong with my liver. I drink 3 times a year: Christmas, New Years, my birthday, and those occasions all depend on whether or not my bestie is in town. There are no drinkers in my immediate fam and I don't drink alone. Where am I going to get a liver if my current model has become a dud? Those things are hard to come by, you know, and don't people with liver problems swell up? Call me shallow, but I don't want to swell up. I don't want to be on the liver donation wait list, basically waiting for someone else to die. I don't want to be sick period. My menstrual cramps, migraines, and allergies are enough to make me take to my bed. What will I do? Now that I mention migraines, my drug of choice when I don't have a maxalt prescription is Excedrin Migraine which contain acetaminophen. Which is bad for the liver. LORD, have mercy. So school starts next week, and I'm already down one day for a CT scan of my liver.