Shellybird's First Time...

NOOOOO...Not THAT first time. I'm referring to the first time in my life I ever felt anger towards my parents for not getting married, which would have made an honest baby out of me, instead of the resulting fatherless daughter who's grown into a middle aged woman with SERIOUS daddy issues. The anger surfaced on April 26, 2013. If you've been following this blog, then you know I have a sorta-kinda-almost boyfriend. (If you haven't been following, here's the link so you can catch up: http://shellybirdsnest.blogspot.com/2013/04/aw-lawd-jesus-why-aint-i-got-no-man.html I'm not typing all of that again.) Anyways, "Daniel", my almost boyfriend, and I have made plans to meet in person in the midway point of the 200+ miles that separate us. We've been "talking"--do people still say that?--for over a month. Mind you, I am a hoarder of chats, voice mails, and text messages. (Let's see A&E make a show about THAT.) I can give you a day-by-day itemized account of when things were euphoric and new between us to now, when it seems like it's going South...and I do mean cotton pickin' South.The daily texts that would start during his morning commute into the city have become sporadic mid morning,  lunchtime, or late afternoon texts. On the date in question, if I didn't finally break down and text him at 5:30, we probably wouldn't have communicated at all. Here's the convo:

Me: I missed talking to you today.
Daniel: Me too let's talk tomorrow

What in THE hell?!?!?!?!?!!!!!! I felt so...blown off.
Needless to say, I cried.My face stung like he'd slapped me and called me a bitch. I admit that I'm horrified of losing this thing we have, that has given me my raison d'etre over the past 6 weeks. He made me feel special, and I've never had that before. I've mentioned that he approached me FIRST via my Facebook in box. The conversations that we had, whether it was chat or text, were rapid fire with a lot of "Hey, baby" (or beautiful, or sexy). There were random texts in the middle of the day telling me he missed me. As I type this, I haven't heard from him ALL DAY. My good old reasonable mommy keeps telling me that I "never know what may be going on in his life." Of course, she's right. He's divorced and co-parenting a 7-year-old, he's also a busy professional.  Last week was hell week for him on his job. Be that as it MAY,  Shellybird has been officially SPOILED by the attention I've received from him over the past several weeks. I did not tell him to shower me with sweet talk.  I did not tell him to miss me or say he did. That was all on him. I am a woman who was never anyone's princess, never a "Daddy's girl." Now, all of a sudden, my hard won princess rug has been snatched from under my feet?!

Welp, no tears today. I am gradually forming the (good) habit of not picking up my cell every 10 minutes to see if he sent me a text that I may have missed. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow things will be back to "normal," whatever that is. Wait, who am I kidding? I know what normal is for me: SHELLYBIRD SPOILAGE, and I want some NOW.*


*I know I'm being unreasonable...I KNOW. That's why I'm ranting in my blog instead of calling Daniel and giving him the business.